Sat 12 Jan 2019, 14:15
The Widenoses travelled to Red Rocks led by former Park player Prick Neston. The weather girls had hedged their bets and forecast a windy afternoon raining men. Straight from the kick-off Park took the game to Widnes and camped out in the opposition 22. Quick recycled ball fed by Wild Bill to Louis Louis saw an inside drive by Pay Day Kev keep the Widenose pack static, another quick recycling saw Louis Louis feed Haggis and Corph came on a crash ball and Haggis recovered the ball to dive over for the opening try.
The widenoses tried hard to get back into the game with their stand-off demonstrating his confidence in his backs by kicking the first four balls he received abysmally. The highlight of his kicking prowess came when he kicked the ball into the back of his inside centre. From the resulting scrum for ‘accidental offside’ (a clear indication of how the laws of the game would be applied for the afternoon) Morph kicked the ball into touch in the Widenose 22. The Widenoses took a quick throw not realising the rangy Evan Adams was careering down the touchline, big hit, ball recovered and off he set down the touchline. Inside ball to Morph who popped the ball up to Haggis as he was tackled and Haggis crossed for the second try, 10-0 to Park.
The game got a bit lively when Morph stuck the head on the boot of the Widenose left footer. Wild Bill joined in and in a manoeuvre reminiscent of Sir Walter Raleigh placed his head under the left footer’s studs so they didn’t get dirty on the muddy pitch. Then for no apparent reason Corph waded in and kissed the left footer. Consulting VAR, aka the touch judge, who gave a true Sint Elens report and with his pointed ears twitching, Spock, aka the ref, gave the Widenoses a penalty. When Saint Nick questioned why it wasn’t Park’s penalty Spock responded ‘That’s illogical Captain’.
The Widenoses gained some confidence with Park giving away several penalties culminating in one in front of the sticks against Park for ‘tackling an opposition player with the intent of stopping him and taking him to the ground’. 10-3 to Park.
Park struggled for a period as the widenoses turned the tide of play utilising their secret ‘penalty for the away team’ card eventually securing a penalty on Park’s 22 when Pay Day Kev was penalised in a tackle for ‘attempting to place the ball in a position advantageous to his own team rather than handing the ball to the opposition stating “over to you sir”. Missed by a country mile – still 10-3 to Park.
The half finished with Park camping (as in a field not public toilets) on the Widenose line. Several scrums on the 5 m line with Park pushing the widenoses over their own line created pressure that would pay. A crash ball drive from haggis with the ball coming loose from Morphs grasp and then the Park pack drove widenose over their own line for a park scrum. Louis Louis spotted the widenoses backs had been sucked in towards the scrum and he chipped wide to Pay Day Kev who recovered the ball and drove over. Half Time – 17-3 to Park.
The first half of the second half was much like the second half of the first half rather than the first half of the first half or the second half of the second half. Well, that was the referee’s opinion, so who had the whistle?
The widenose pack seemed to gain strength and proved a match for Park and half way through the second half rucked and mauled their way over the Phoenix line for Prick Neston to score. This fired the Phoenix to life and the introduction of fresh legs helped steady the park game.
Enter the fray, making his debut for the Phoenix club came Barry John Snr aka Tame Al fresh from slaying Dragons armed only with a fresh daffodil and a sturdy leek. The widenoses decided to test him out and chipped through and his skill at performing a magnificent air kick lulled them into a false sense of security. Park recovered the ball, reverted to the basics and the ball was driven in by Bandy Rady and Carly Tomsee before quick hands saw the ball sweep through Evan Adams and Haggis to Corph who powered down the right wing. After evading a couple of tackles he was dragged down on the Widenose 22 and try hanger Haggis* recovered the ball to dive over for a hat trick.
The final move of the game by park was an absolute classic. Morph and Corph scooted down the left touch line before Corph was tackled, the pack powered in and then came the ‘Wide to Al’ move as Wild Bill spun the ball with a Gareth Edwardsesque dive to Louis Louis, Pay Dave Kev hit up and slipped the ball to Barry John Snr. who sprinted 60m to dive over. Final score 29-8 to Phoenix.
Post-match post-script – Evan Adams got Dick of the Day, Phoenix won the boat race and Haggis still owes a jug to the team.
* Haggis aka Ruggs aka JP aka Ruggs the Jugs avoider aka The Tight Scottish T*t
Report S Dempsey
The widenoses tried hard to get back into the game with their stand-off demonstrating his confidence in his backs by kicking the first four balls he received abysmally. The highlight of his kicking prowess came when he kicked the ball into the back of his inside centre. From the resulting scrum for ‘accidental offside’ (a clear indication of how the laws of the game would be applied for the afternoon) Morph kicked the ball into touch in the Widenose 22. The Widenoses took a quick throw not realising the rangy Evan Adams was careering down the touchline, big hit, ball recovered and off he set down the touchline. Inside ball to Morph who popped the ball up to Haggis as he was tackled and Haggis crossed for the second try, 10-0 to Park.
The game got a bit lively when Morph stuck the head on the boot of the Widenose left footer. Wild Bill joined in and in a manoeuvre reminiscent of Sir Walter Raleigh placed his head under the left footer’s studs so they didn’t get dirty on the muddy pitch. Then for no apparent reason Corph waded in and kissed the left footer. Consulting VAR, aka the touch judge, who gave a true Sint Elens report and with his pointed ears twitching, Spock, aka the ref, gave the Widenoses a penalty. When Saint Nick questioned why it wasn’t Park’s penalty Spock responded ‘That’s illogical Captain’.
The Widenoses gained some confidence with Park giving away several penalties culminating in one in front of the sticks against Park for ‘tackling an opposition player with the intent of stopping him and taking him to the ground’. 10-3 to Park.
Park struggled for a period as the widenoses turned the tide of play utilising their secret ‘penalty for the away team’ card eventually securing a penalty on Park’s 22 when Pay Day Kev was penalised in a tackle for ‘attempting to place the ball in a position advantageous to his own team rather than handing the ball to the opposition stating “over to you sir”. Missed by a country mile – still 10-3 to Park.
The half finished with Park camping (as in a field not public toilets) on the Widenose line. Several scrums on the 5 m line with Park pushing the widenoses over their own line created pressure that would pay. A crash ball drive from haggis with the ball coming loose from Morphs grasp and then the Park pack drove widenose over their own line for a park scrum. Louis Louis spotted the widenoses backs had been sucked in towards the scrum and he chipped wide to Pay Day Kev who recovered the ball and drove over. Half Time – 17-3 to Park.
The first half of the second half was much like the second half of the first half rather than the first half of the first half or the second half of the second half. Well, that was the referee’s opinion, so who had the whistle?
The widenose pack seemed to gain strength and proved a match for Park and half way through the second half rucked and mauled their way over the Phoenix line for Prick Neston to score. This fired the Phoenix to life and the introduction of fresh legs helped steady the park game.
Enter the fray, making his debut for the Phoenix club came Barry John Snr aka Tame Al fresh from slaying Dragons armed only with a fresh daffodil and a sturdy leek. The widenoses decided to test him out and chipped through and his skill at performing a magnificent air kick lulled them into a false sense of security. Park recovered the ball, reverted to the basics and the ball was driven in by Bandy Rady and Carly Tomsee before quick hands saw the ball sweep through Evan Adams and Haggis to Corph who powered down the right wing. After evading a couple of tackles he was dragged down on the Widenose 22 and try hanger Haggis* recovered the ball to dive over for a hat trick.
The final move of the game by park was an absolute classic. Morph and Corph scooted down the left touch line before Corph was tackled, the pack powered in and then came the ‘Wide to Al’ move as Wild Bill spun the ball with a Gareth Edwardsesque dive to Louis Louis, Pay Dave Kev hit up and slipped the ball to Barry John Snr. who sprinted 60m to dive over. Final score 29-8 to Phoenix.
Post-match post-script – Evan Adams got Dick of the Day, Phoenix won the boat race and Haggis still owes a jug to the team.
* Haggis aka Ruggs aka JP aka Ruggs the Jugs avoider aka The Tight Scottish T*t
Report S Dempsey
