Sat 17 Nov 2018, 15:00
West Park travelled to face a team whose name is a place near Liverpool, however, they play nowhere near there. Lord only knows why they have the name they have but they are Scousers.
Park kicked off to efton, the first letter is silent just like the J in actress Samantha Janus's name. I must have some subconscious association between this team and Samantha. There is no offence intended in that statement, it is meant but not intended. The ball sailed towards the efton second rows, "on the ed boss" shouted the first one who headed it to the second second rower who nodded it down to the scrum half who kicked it up field. “It’s rugby not football” shouted an old cock on the touch line (aka Brian Loughnane).
Rudolf Valentino at full back collected the ball pirouetted and did a foxtrot to the wing before passing inside to Bandy Ray Dee who scored. Valentino converted.
Big Bad Bearded Baz collected the kick off and the Park pack drove the ball into Efton using the power of Simmo and Big Ste. The Park pack started to dominate the game with second rowers Sammy G and Danny Mac setting a solid platform for the front row marshalled expertly by Gnarly. At the back of the pack Shylock started to dictate the game and Bandy Ray Dee feeding off Merry Gerry Darling made some long range breaks. From one of these wing forwards BBBB and Led Boots recovered the ball to score.
Park were reduced to 14 men by the bizarre sin-binning of Merry Gerry Darling. Efton went to take a quick penalty and Darling objected, the referee called Efton back and told Darling to let him referee the match. A loud rasping sound was suddenly heard, “Any more of that and you are off” stated the ref to which followed an even louder rasping thunder. “Off” stated the ref and pointed into the wilderness and Darling begrudgingly obeyed.
Straight running by maniacal Pyro Kev created width for the ball to get to wingers Rubbish Paul and Corph and both managed through fleeting footwork and swivelling hips not to score. Harvey Jo entered the fray and seeing the Efton backs rushing up chipped the ball over, he really should have taken note of the ability of his outside backs to think and run. Merry Gerry Darling was the first to wake up and charged forward, that may be generous as it was probably more of a shuffle. He was amazed to get there first and kicked on, again nobody else took up the challenge and he had to shuffle on and he dropped on the ball for a try.
The Riders of Rohan and Evan Adams introduced youth into the pack securing ball Wild Bill could distribute freely to the strong running backs. With BBBB moving into the second row he found time to get his breath back.
Park were now in their stride and further tries from Bandy Ray Dee and Shylock took the game away from Efton. The rout was completed by Shylock scoring his hat trick.
The footnote to this report has to be the magnificent effort by BBBB in getting over the line. He picked the ball up at the base of a ruck 25m from the line. The first defender bounced into the middle of next week, he then handed off 3 players and drove in to the final defenders, they fell off this powerful runner who dived over the line to celebrate his second try in a month having taken 25 years to score his first try. Well, that would have been the case if he hadn’t dropped the ball over the line, therefore, he still has another 24 years and 11 months in which to score his next try.
Final score Efton 15 v 36 West Park 3rd.
Boatrace was a row over. However, the post-match food revealed something, it was meat pie and beans to which Rudolf only had a portion of double beans. He doesn’t eat red meat – could he be the Secret Raspberry Blower of Old Efton Town?
Report S Dempsey
Park kicked off to efton, the first letter is silent just like the J in actress Samantha Janus's name. I must have some subconscious association between this team and Samantha. There is no offence intended in that statement, it is meant but not intended. The ball sailed towards the efton second rows, "on the ed boss" shouted the first one who headed it to the second second rower who nodded it down to the scrum half who kicked it up field. “It’s rugby not football” shouted an old cock on the touch line (aka Brian Loughnane).
Rudolf Valentino at full back collected the ball pirouetted and did a foxtrot to the wing before passing inside to Bandy Ray Dee who scored. Valentino converted.
Big Bad Bearded Baz collected the kick off and the Park pack drove the ball into Efton using the power of Simmo and Big Ste. The Park pack started to dominate the game with second rowers Sammy G and Danny Mac setting a solid platform for the front row marshalled expertly by Gnarly. At the back of the pack Shylock started to dictate the game and Bandy Ray Dee feeding off Merry Gerry Darling made some long range breaks. From one of these wing forwards BBBB and Led Boots recovered the ball to score.
Park were reduced to 14 men by the bizarre sin-binning of Merry Gerry Darling. Efton went to take a quick penalty and Darling objected, the referee called Efton back and told Darling to let him referee the match. A loud rasping sound was suddenly heard, “Any more of that and you are off” stated the ref to which followed an even louder rasping thunder. “Off” stated the ref and pointed into the wilderness and Darling begrudgingly obeyed.
Straight running by maniacal Pyro Kev created width for the ball to get to wingers Rubbish Paul and Corph and both managed through fleeting footwork and swivelling hips not to score. Harvey Jo entered the fray and seeing the Efton backs rushing up chipped the ball over, he really should have taken note of the ability of his outside backs to think and run. Merry Gerry Darling was the first to wake up and charged forward, that may be generous as it was probably more of a shuffle. He was amazed to get there first and kicked on, again nobody else took up the challenge and he had to shuffle on and he dropped on the ball for a try.
The Riders of Rohan and Evan Adams introduced youth into the pack securing ball Wild Bill could distribute freely to the strong running backs. With BBBB moving into the second row he found time to get his breath back.
Park were now in their stride and further tries from Bandy Ray Dee and Shylock took the game away from Efton. The rout was completed by Shylock scoring his hat trick.
The footnote to this report has to be the magnificent effort by BBBB in getting over the line. He picked the ball up at the base of a ruck 25m from the line. The first defender bounced into the middle of next week, he then handed off 3 players and drove in to the final defenders, they fell off this powerful runner who dived over the line to celebrate his second try in a month having taken 25 years to score his first try. Well, that would have been the case if he hadn’t dropped the ball over the line, therefore, he still has another 24 years and 11 months in which to score his next try.
Final score Efton 15 v 36 West Park 3rd.
Boatrace was a row over. However, the post-match food revealed something, it was meat pie and beans to which Rudolf only had a portion of double beans. He doesn’t eat red meat – could he be the Secret Raspberry Blower of Old Efton Town?
Report S Dempsey
