Sat 29 Sep 2018, 15:00
The following takes place between 3 pm and 4.37……….
This is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but a load of twaddle
West Park took to the field to the accompaniment of Junior Murvin singing Police and Thieves with an almost unrecognisable team, except for tour matches never in the memory of man have so many wigs, moustaches and tartan jock straps taken to a rugby field.
The ref called the captains together and Inspect her Gadget made the call, he lost and in a gentlemanly cockney twang said to Captain Kelly “Yours Nick my Son”.
Park kicked off and in clever but totally unintentional tactics the ball only just went 10m and was tapped back by Ben Gelland collected by Shylock Holmes and fed to the backs with Morph Ord running in, chipping and recovering the ball to score and then convert. Park 7-0 up in less than a minute.
In planting the evidence the Po Lice kicked the ball back to park who charged back into the wall of riot shields driving them back. The charge stopped about 10m from the Thin Blues line and park re-set at a scrum. Captain Ned drove the ball in before the re-cycle was swiftly passed wide to the left and Morph dived in in the corner. 12-0 to Park.
In the spirit of rugby Bette Ridge engaged in joyful banter with the opposition and CSI P.Lant was heard to whisper "That's the ugliest photofit I've ever seen".
Park carried on swinging the ball across the pitch which eventually ended in the hands of The Riders of Rohan who was chatting to the crowd. He sped 60m down the wing, nobody laying a hand on him and he dived over in the corner, The Po Lice won the subsequent scrum 5m from the Park line and put park under sustained pressure for fifteen minutes but the wall of green and gold held. Park started to give away penalties which Captain Ned contested strongly with the referee who eventually decided he had had enough and sang “Don’t Stand So Close To Me”.
Specialist inside centre Murray Mint finally woke from a slumber and charged through the Po Lice defence in a 50m sprint dragging 4 bobbies over the line before dropping the ball in an attempt to get Dick of the Day. Having completed the task he then repeated it to score, Park 19-0 up.
Five minutes later Park lifted Shylock to the heavens in a line-out Old Bill spun the ball to the backs and in a move of biblical proportions the Po Lice defence parted like the red sea and hopalong Tom hopped the 10m to the line. Park 26-0 up.
Just before half time Ben Geland broke the line passed to Captain Ned who was eventually dragged down and Shylock picked up to dove over the line. Half Time 31-0 to Park.
As the Po Lice traipsed up the pitch one of them was heard to say “It’s not my fault, like, I didn’t know I was going to be playing rugby, like. I work in vice, like, so when I was asked if I fancied a bit of rough, like, and was expecting a “Massage in a Brothel”, like, not rugby”
Ten minutes into the second half Murray Mint again made a break and 25 m from the line passed to Captain Ned who reminiscent of Tom Van Vollenhoven flew down the right wing to flop over the line in the corner.
Park were reduced to 14 players after Robber Hanson fell for the ‘Bad Cop – Bad Cop’ routine and repeatedly butted the forearm of Constable Savage and was sent to the cells for ten minutes.
The game reduced to a plod and one of the Old Bill said to Old Bill “You’ve got us banged to rights here”
The last score of the game came when JHilton made a midfield break and broke through with the flying squad in hot pursuit and scored under the posts for an easy conversion for Morph. Final score 41 – 0 to Park.
In a fitting tribute after the game Murray Mint was gazing lovingly into Bette Ridge’s eyes in the shower as they wore matching shower caps and sang “Every little thing she does is Magic, Every Little thing just turns me on”
Report S Dempsey
This is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but a load of twaddle
West Park took to the field to the accompaniment of Junior Murvin singing Police and Thieves with an almost unrecognisable team, except for tour matches never in the memory of man have so many wigs, moustaches and tartan jock straps taken to a rugby field.
The ref called the captains together and Inspect her Gadget made the call, he lost and in a gentlemanly cockney twang said to Captain Kelly “Yours Nick my Son”.
Park kicked off and in clever but totally unintentional tactics the ball only just went 10m and was tapped back by Ben Gelland collected by Shylock Holmes and fed to the backs with Morph Ord running in, chipping and recovering the ball to score and then convert. Park 7-0 up in less than a minute.
In planting the evidence the Po Lice kicked the ball back to park who charged back into the wall of riot shields driving them back. The charge stopped about 10m from the Thin Blues line and park re-set at a scrum. Captain Ned drove the ball in before the re-cycle was swiftly passed wide to the left and Morph dived in in the corner. 12-0 to Park.
In the spirit of rugby Bette Ridge engaged in joyful banter with the opposition and CSI P.Lant was heard to whisper "That's the ugliest photofit I've ever seen".
Park carried on swinging the ball across the pitch which eventually ended in the hands of The Riders of Rohan who was chatting to the crowd. He sped 60m down the wing, nobody laying a hand on him and he dived over in the corner, The Po Lice won the subsequent scrum 5m from the Park line and put park under sustained pressure for fifteen minutes but the wall of green and gold held. Park started to give away penalties which Captain Ned contested strongly with the referee who eventually decided he had had enough and sang “Don’t Stand So Close To Me”.
Specialist inside centre Murray Mint finally woke from a slumber and charged through the Po Lice defence in a 50m sprint dragging 4 bobbies over the line before dropping the ball in an attempt to get Dick of the Day. Having completed the task he then repeated it to score, Park 19-0 up.
Five minutes later Park lifted Shylock to the heavens in a line-out Old Bill spun the ball to the backs and in a move of biblical proportions the Po Lice defence parted like the red sea and hopalong Tom hopped the 10m to the line. Park 26-0 up.
Just before half time Ben Geland broke the line passed to Captain Ned who was eventually dragged down and Shylock picked up to dove over the line. Half Time 31-0 to Park.
As the Po Lice traipsed up the pitch one of them was heard to say “It’s not my fault, like, I didn’t know I was going to be playing rugby, like. I work in vice, like, so when I was asked if I fancied a bit of rough, like, and was expecting a “Massage in a Brothel”, like, not rugby”
Ten minutes into the second half Murray Mint again made a break and 25 m from the line passed to Captain Ned who reminiscent of Tom Van Vollenhoven flew down the right wing to flop over the line in the corner.
Park were reduced to 14 players after Robber Hanson fell for the ‘Bad Cop – Bad Cop’ routine and repeatedly butted the forearm of Constable Savage and was sent to the cells for ten minutes.
The game reduced to a plod and one of the Old Bill said to Old Bill “You’ve got us banged to rights here”
The last score of the game came when JHilton made a midfield break and broke through with the flying squad in hot pursuit and scored under the posts for an easy conversion for Morph. Final score 41 – 0 to Park.
In a fitting tribute after the game Murray Mint was gazing lovingly into Bette Ridge’s eyes in the shower as they wore matching shower caps and sang “Every little thing she does is Magic, Every Little thing just turns me on”
Report S Dempsey
