Sat 15 Sep 2018, 15:00
Aloha from Hawaii (Hebdon Bridge) where Bette Ridge scored a hat-trick of tries against posh scousers Wallasea or at least he would have fallen over the line 3 times if he hadn’t been sheep spotting.
On a clear warm afternoon Park took the game to a team who had made impressive use of some tackle bags in the warm up and marched out slowly with a look of confidence, I never checked to see if they had used the ferry over the Mersey so it could have been sea-sickness. A break by Bush Ranger Ned Kelly was finally halted 10 m from the Wallasea line and quick recycling enabled Wild Bill Collins to feed Murray Mint who was now catching up with play.
Minty danced through a static defence to score between the sticks for an easy conversion for Morford. 7 – 0 to Park. Straight from the kick off Park attacked down the left and Greedy Belly pushed over a couple of defenders to run in under the posts which Morford converted. 14 – 0 to Park. Wallasea sorted out their sea defences and held back the tide of attack from park until Greedy Belly used his balding pate…..sorry blinding pace…….no, I had that right the first time to score Parks 3rd try after 15 minutes again converted by Morford.
The driving force of Parks pack was taking its toll on the Wallasea Defences and the first cracks appeared when their prop forward tried to stop a tsunami power drive from Gnarly Nolan and came off worse. Into the fay came Big G Sams donning a Wallasea shirt which was probably a bit more off the shoulder than a man of his slight build requires. It fitted where it touched and it touched a lot. Samsea helped the defences hold out for another 3 minutes before a break by Jilton on the half way line fed the ball to Morford who passed it straight on to Waul Pudsey who sprinted 50m to dive over in the corner.
Morford still recovering from passing to Pudsy missed the conversion. 26 - 0 to Park after 22 minutes. Wallasea suddenly found their land legs and took the game to park. They mounted wave after wave of attacks from within the Park 22 and Park had to resort to underhand tactics and give away penalties so that Wallasea had clean ball to drive into the Park tackle bags who responded by…..tackling them. With half time looming Wallasea were gaining confidence until Morford fed Greedy Belly who deftly ran over a couple of the Wallasea Wall defenders before being dragged down. Park took to a driving maul in perfect formation to destroy the shattered defence before Murray Mint caught up with play to dance over just before half-time. Morford converted to take Park into a 33 – 0 lead.
Right on halt time Norman Stanley Fletcher collected a Wallasea clearance to charge down the left wing, the ball was passed inside to the centre of the field where Jilton stepped left and headed back out to the wing before feeding Sumo Simmonds who hadn’t moved from when Wallasea kicked ball and he charged over the line for a try. Or at least it would have been if he hadn’t been stood in front of Jilton when he passed the ball. The second half started with Park over confident and Morford tried to lob the (Midget) Gem of a Wallasea Stand-off who leaped into the air to catch the ball and dart 15m for an interception try.
Park leading 33 – 7 Eight minutes into the half Murray Mint broke down the right wing before an ankle tap by Wallasea’s octogenarian scrum half put him into touch. Led Boots took the line-out off Wallasea before Big Bad Bearded Barry sidestepped through the defence reminiscent of when he dodged the Clinkham Wood Blonde in Cindy’s in 2003. Having done the hard work he laid the ball off to Captain Ned Kelly who dragged in defenders and carried them over the line, Morford converted, 40 – 7.
Fifteen minutes into the half following a scrum on Park’s 22 quick fire ball from Wild Bill to Morford to Jilton split the Wallasea defence and Jilton dodged and weaved the length of the pitch to touch down. Morford converted, 47 – 7 to Park. Wallasey suffered a further set back when one of their forwards broke his shoulder, Flash offered to play for Wallasea but in the interests of fairness Park brought him into their team and he promptly dislocated a finger trying to catch the ball. With 10 minutes to go and Park being pressured on their 22 Morford broke from a scrum down the blind side, he was ankle tapped 10m from the line and fed Ned Kelly who in turn popped the ball up for Gnarly who crossed in the corner. 52 – 7 to Park.
With the game in its dying stages Shylock Holmes rose into the skies to take a line-out with the ball gliding through the hands to Jilton who stepped inside to feed Murray Mint who crossed for the final try. Morford converted for a final score of 59 – 7 to Park. The names of the players have not been changed to protect the innocent as they are all guilty. Apologies to any player not abused in the above, remember….there is always next week.
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